Lately I’ve been asking myself all kinds of questions, feeling all kinds of feelings, and thinking all kinds of thoughts. I’ve been doing a lot of work on myself through the past few months. It’s hard. It’s hard to confront things that I never thought to confront. There are some things about me that I want to change and grow out of, and the tough thing is that I don’t always know how I am supposed to do that. There is no formula for how I should do this. All I know is that I am going to figure it out. That is one thing that I like about myself. For the most part, I can be very self aware. Regardless of how I became that way, I am now using it to my advantage – growing to be a better me, for me.
Recently I have realized that I put my value into what others think of me, how they feel about me, etc., rather than what I know my value is. Today I also discovered that I had a hard time relaying to my counselor what my value is. And then I cried for a minute. I didn’t know why. My homework was to write what is valuable about Kim Epperson. Everything I could think of went back to my relationships and how God values us, but it was hard to get in there and tell uniquely why I’m cool. I am going to redo my homework. I need to know that I am awesome aside from what anyone else thinks or feels. I’m supposed to pretend like I’m Barney Stinson from “How I Met Your Mother,” and talk about why I am so awesome. I couldn’t do it! I felt really uncomfortable.
At least for now, I know what I should do. It’s just a matter of figuring out just how I am supposed to do this that is puzzling.
