Today I ran into a certain someone whom I’ve only seen one other time in my life that I know of, and who I don’t even know her first name. She bullied me around the other night, belittled me, talked down to me, and spoke ill about others who can’t even defend themselves. I don’t know her, but yet, she hurt me. She pissed me off. She bullied me. My blood was boiling and my heart was pounding out of sheer disbelief and fear of what I might do. I told my husband that if I wasn’t a Christian, that I would have beat the crap out of her. I can’t lie to you and tell you that I felt compassion and love for her at first. Maybe not even now. How do I love on someone who tries to kick me around and will only be happy when I am crying helpless on the ground? I know that God wants me to have compassion for people who behave badly – and even more so for people who treat me badly. But, all I could feel at that moment was my blood, boiling to the point to where my hands were shaking like they were the other night. My brain felt like noodles. I couldn’t make sense of anything that I was saying except to tell her that she was a jerk. Yes, I said that. I said things much worse to my husband who helped me to not feel alone by telling me a story of when he was in the same sort of situation. My heart hurt so much. I wanted to defend myself, I wanted to make her hurt like she hurt me, but I know it’s not right. None of it is right. I feel so confused by my feelings and the contradiction of what I must do.
I can’t fill my heart with anger and hatred. Jesus didn’t hate those who persecuted him, he didn’t want to beat the crap out of them and make them hurt like he hurt. When he was being crucified, he asked God to forgive the ones who were killing him (Luke 23:34). Jesus was placed on the cross and asked God to forgive the people who were putting him to death. If Jesus can look for justice through the Lord than through the justice that his flesh may have/could have (our flesh) initially crave, I should be praying for God to forgive this woman who does not know the pain she causes.
It is so hard to turn my anger into love. That is the complete opposite of the other feeling at hand. I hope that I don’t run into this woman again, but if I do, what should I do? I could ignore her totally and keep praying for her. That is the only alternative I can see right now. Part of me wants to tell her how destructive her behavior is, but I don’t foresee any resolution in that, because those who do not know right from wrong will not see the sense in that.
Please pray for my heart to have compassion for this woman who has attempted to bring me down. Please pray that I will have a heart for her, that I will be reminded that my heart was once lost to being a slave to sin. I pray that she will find a change of heart, that her eyes will be opened to the love of Jesus Christ, that it will mean more to her than just Sundays at church and heaven, I pray that Jesus will be her world because he created her heart. She was beautifully and wonderfully made…even though she hurt me and said nasty things, God made her to glorify Him. Even though she wants to see me fall, God loves her like He loves me.
Thank you for your prayers.
Kim.
In one of my classes last semester, we talked a lot about turning the other cheek. One author we read said he believed that turning the other cheek was not being walked on for the sake of humility, but more of a subtle way of standing up for yourself while simultaneously being a better person. He explained that by turning the other cheek, you were forcing the person who hit you to hit you with the palm of their hand, and not the back. Backhanding is how you hit someone who is beneath you, but front handing is done between equals. He also said that when Jesus said to walk the extra mile, he was actually talking about a legal issue. How a Roman soldier was allowed to force any Jew to carry his things for him, but he could only make them do so for one mile. By offering to walk an extra mile, you were showing the solderi that you could get him in trouble b y forcing you to walk more than you needed to. The soldier would be afraid of getting in trouble and you would never be forced to carry a soldiers things again. (“You see that Jew! he tried to carry my things for two miles! don’t make him carry your things, that one will get you into trouble.”)
i’m rambling but my point is that if you meet this person again, or someone like them, that there are ways to stand up for yourself, and still be respectful.
i would suppose that this person isn’t kind, because they don’t understand kindness. being kind to them will confuse them because they act towards the world the way they expect the world to act towards them, and you would be disproving that expectation. its hardest to love the people who push us around, but most of the time they’re the ones that need love the most
I needed to hear that Sara; thank you! God has really been working on my heart this week with understanding the whole situation. But mostly I am understanding how I can grow from this. Love you!